Book Excerpts

These free chapter excerpts from The Educated Parent are copyrighted. They can only be re-transmitted, copied or used with written permission from Greenwood Press.

A summary of The Educated Parent is available for your review.

From Chapter 1:

"Fortunately, being a parent does not mean you have to always be perfect, 100% consistent, or all-wise in order to raise a healthy, functional child. The phrase, 'good enough parenting' has been coined to refer to the fact that a parent simply must be that - good enough, but not perfect. This revelation is a great guilt-reducer. Many parents have a number of specific things they have done or said that they would like to take back. Or there are things never done that they wished they had made time for. The good news is that your children are generally forgiving and that you usually have to go out of your way to create permanent harm or interfere with normal development."

From Chapter 6:

"For your further reading, sections on 'divorce effects' in most child and developmental psychology textbooks have excellent summaries of the research data base, which as you can imagine is huge. In addition to its size, there is also a lot of conflicting information; some studies' findings are at odds with other studies. Two popular books by Judith Wallerstein have interesting information. Wallerstein generally believes that divorce effects go on through adulthood for most children, and that divorce is a life changing, generally negative event for children. More recently (2001), E. Mavis Hetherington, another well-respected, long time researcher in the area of divorce effects, published her book, 'For Better or For Worse.' Hetherington reported that 75% of the children she followed eventually were functioning as well as children from non-divorce homes. Who's right? They both are. What you get depends upon what and how you are looking for it.

...The one finding all researchers can agree upon is that extended family conflict harms children without exception. That is why you have heard it is better to get divorced than stay (fighting) together for the children. But even this is true only if you end the fighting."

From Chapter 7:

"What you do at home with your child, for whatever amount of time you have, can affect whether or not day care will help or hurt your child. If you make time to have quality interactions which promote secure attachment behavior, your child will be better off. This secure attachment foundation will allow your child to function better in day care if needed. As long as the day care is at least of good quality, few negative effects should emerge.

Your attitude toward the day care placement / work outside the home issue will affect the outcome of the day care v. no day care placement decision. Parents who stay at home but are resentful of their loss of employment do no favors for their children. Similarly, a situation with a miserable, conflicted parent who hates to go to work and feels perpetually guilty every time the child is dropped off will not lead to a positive outcome for the child. Full agreement by both parents who then are supportive of each other and the child makes for the best decision whether it is staying at home or placement in a day care."

From Chapter 10:

"It is my opinion that open adoption processes, although well-intended, are too risky. As cited above, a number of questions arise as do potential arguments. What if the birthparent opposes the choice of school or religious upbringing of the child she conceived? Do birthparents have any say after the adoption is final? I believe the rights and welfare of most children are best addressed through sealed confidential adoptions. Although this can cause anguish for birthparents, I believe this is part of the cost that is paid when they make the altruistic sacrifice of surrendering a child they know will be better off raised by others."